Best Year Ever.

Wow, what a year.

On February 12, my adorable, tender, adventurous, darling baby Mini turned one.  It’s been, without a doubt, the fastest year of my life.  It’s been both easier and more difficult than I imagined it would be.  How can I accurately reflect on the last 365 days in just a few paragraphs? Quite simply, I can’t.  I can only paint broad strokes while focusing in on the most minute details – the feeling of carrying her through the snow into our apartment building, setting her car seat down in the middle of the living room, and thinking, “now what?”; the stomach churn of snapping her into my most favorite newborn onesie, only to come to the sad realization that it was entirely too small; the pride from pushing her around in her stroller, passing other moms and smiling empathetically or having strangers coo and make faces at her on the subway; the volume of her voice when we squeal back and forth at each other while I do the dishes and she pushes her baby grocery cart around the kitchen.  I remember the feeling of standing over her on her changing table at three in the morning, willing myself not to cry over my exhaustion and confusion because there were mothers out there who’d lost their children, women aching to be mothers, who would give anything to be standing where I was at that very moment.  I remember every person who felt obligated to point out how much she doesn’t look like me or ask whose baby she was, since she “obviously” wasn’t mine.  I still feel a jolt of shock and immeasurable love when I look into her crib and see her sleeping.  My baby.  My little baby girl.

We had a big party over the weekend, held in the party room of a friend’s restaurant because the combination of apartment living and sub-zero temperatures limit birthday party location options.  I agonized over it for weeks, scouring Etsy for the “perfect” headband, birthday banner, and fluffy fairy wings for her fairy garden fete, pinning dozens of perfect party images on Pinterest, parties planned by moms far more creative and intrepid than myself, and discussing it over and over again with my mom and sister-in-law, both of whom would have done a far better job if I had let them take over from the beginning.  Naturally, I forgot to take good blogtastic photos and apologize for this sad little collage.

Lots of people asked why I was agonizing so desperately over a party that Mini would clearly have no recollection of, but I will.  I will remember.  This was also an opportunity to say thank you to our village.  Thank you to my mom and dad, who drove us home from the hospital, going ten miles an hour in a blizzard and slept on our couch that first night home, who have kept Mini in the finest designer threads, who have FaceTimed on a nightly basis, singing songs through an iPad.  Thank you to my brother and sister-in-law, who sent boxes of party supplies for an event they couldn’t attend.  Thank you to my best friend, who didn’t write me off because I have forgotten to return her calls more often than I remember to.  Thank you to our co-workers, who have supported our transition into the real world with child with more enthusiasm and love than we could have hoped for.  Thank you to our friends, who get to the restaurant ahead of time and secure a high chair while we apologetically smack everyone around us with a diaper bag.  Thank you to our family and friends overseas, especially Husband’s mom, dad, and siblings, who are thriving on oddly timed Skype calls and whose thoughtful gifts always arrive on time. 

Thank you to my husband, who more often than not spends all day with Mini with only a few hours sleep and never complains, who pushes her stroller up and down the hallways of our apartment building to get her to nap, who scrambles eggs and changes diapers and plays “one two threes” for hours on end. 

Thank you to Mini, who, in spite of my occasional shortcomings, never, ever, ever fails to look at me like I am the best, most exciting, smartest, most creative, funniest, and most loving mom in the universe.  Thank you for making this the best year ever.